Musing in Monochrome

Reading is dying, and given the range of alternative pastimes now available to us is that really a surprise? From thousands of TV channels to the multitude of internet websites churning out everything from eSports to "funny" cat pictures never has the humble tome been faced with such a challenge.  It was therefore a shock to find the latest fad sweeping my office, and apparently a significant part of the literate world, was nothing other then a Book.  


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In the interests of avoiding accusations of hypocrisy I put down my epic fantasy, shelved the weird and wonderful steampunk world of Burton & Swinburne, and, albeit with gritted teeth, purchased FSoG. Over the previous week I have skimmed, slogged and eventually ploughed my way through 1,500 pages of 'mommy-porn,' - I am unimpressed.

There was a chance for the eponymous Mr C Grey to be a great character; Patrick Bateman at his most sadistic crossed with Dorian Grey's supernatural sensual innocence - twisted, beautiful, broken and alluring.  He is not. In fact, Mr Grey is borderline "normal" - his sexual tendencies aren't completely mainstream but with as much as 25% of the sexually active population at least dabbling in the "community" (according to wiki!) this is not some extreme aberration. And let's face it - in our increasingly sexualised world, where the BBC's most watched show is the one with a naked dominatrix in it, where we use sex to sell everything from sunglasses to celery, are any of us truly shocked by the concept of spanking or being tied to a bed?


If Mr Grey fails to deliver, then, regrettably, Miss Steele is even worse. My only real reaction to this trilogy was an increasing anger at a lead character and narrator who was wonderfully described by a colleague as "insipid". With gleeful abandon Ms James " " develops " " (/sarcastic quotes), her quiet, bookish, dreamy, intellectual and self-secure heroine into a sex-crazed, short-sighted, insecure and borderline schizophrenic hypocrite who apparently has less ability then the average Labrador to understand her significant other.  By halfway through the first book a reader can predict "Mr Mercurial's" reactions - he is surprisingly consistent, and nor should it come as a shock that most men will get annoyed when their new girlfriend, in a moment of post-coital balm, begin to nettle them about their issues.


I would like to say that a plot full of suspense, drama, atmosphere and emotion makes up for the shortcomings of Fifty Shade's characters - unfortunately it doesn't. In fact the entire trilogy is really the same scene on repeat - have sex, poke Grey about this past, he gets angry, rage a bit, have sex. (Yes this does mean you get two sex scenes one after the other with no actual plot linking them). Suspense is added by sometimes adding sex between steps three and four!

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For all its shortcomings, I would still recommend Fifty Shades to any student of human nature. Unlike watching or listening which are passive, reading is active - we, as readers, must engage with the characters and settings the author has laid before us, and invariably project ourselves into the characters, their emotions and their choices. An interaction which is, regardless of the quality of the subject matter, personal and revealing if approached openly and honestly.

On reflection my own negative reaction to the Fifty Shades trilogy is simple -  this is the story of two individuals seeking to express themselves, in their own way, outside the scope of the mainstream mob mentality, who are "cured" of being different by a diet of money, sex and childish thoughtlessness.

I leave you with a final observation; Fifty Shades of Grey is the story of;

"the extraordinary made ordinary."

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 Happy Trails,

Zarl